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Old 11-06-2007, 08:59 PM   #16
Arash
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haha, let me make it not so repost!

HER RESPONSE:

Quote:
Dear Sir,

I must confess that I was somewhat taken aback upon reading your email. Indeed, it has taken some time for me to sufficiently recuperate from my surprise. Lest your confidence quickly inflate for little reason (as we know is the predisposition for Wall St. types), allow me to hasten to reassure you that the source of my surprise was neither your candor nor the accuracy of your perception. Indeed, it is your "claimed" success in light of your poor grasp of economics which has me baffled. If the standards required to meet with financial success on Wall St. have sunk so low, perhaps I should indeed "make my own money", except for the fact that the effort/reward ratio is far too high for my liking - especially when so many of your ilk have displayed a far more cogent grasp of market realities than you have.

By now you are likely scratching your ever-vanishing hairline in confusion, so allow me to elaborate, dear man. To build some credibility I will tell you a bit more about yourself. Though you did not mention the details of your occupation, it is clear that you are an investment banker and not a trader, as any good trader would understand that human courtships are based upon a semi-efficient open market, and not an investment banking cartel. However, your inability to grasp the realities of the dating market is not surprising, given that you have successfully employed the tools of collusion and market manipulation rather that true acumen in your supposed wealth generation.

If your grasp of finance were not a minority partner with your ego, you would realize that the "outflows" associated with my depreciating "assets" are quite certain, and therefore subject to a low discount rate when determining their present value. In addition, though your concept of economics evidentially failed to move past the 1950s, advancement in plastic surgery is not subject to the same limitation. Thus, with some additional capital expenditure, the overall lifetime of "outflows" generated by these assets is greatly increased. Sad that Ashton Kutcher has demonstrated understanding of the female asset class which you, in all of your financial "wisdom", have not.

You, on the other hand, are, given the uncertainty of the Wall St. job market, more of an inflation-indexed junk bond with an underwater nested call option. Though you may argue that you are more of an equity investment, my monetary minimums required from you do not change, and if you are unable to pay them, I will liquidate you without the benefit of a chapter 11, just as you would me.

Because your outflows are so much more uncertain with respect to mine, I require additional compensation in the form of a underwater nested call option on your future assets. I say underwater because, even taking into account the value of your junk bond coupon payment to me, the value of my "outflow" is in excess of the market price of your equity (which is quite low due to its riskiness associated with your poor grasp of finance and my existing claim upon your junk bond coupon).

I must thank you though for raising the question, despite the reputation cost of subjecting your weak logic to such widespread scrutiny. This took either considerable courage or ignorance on your part- and we'll give you the benefit of doubt, just this once. My current boyfriend (a trader who lives in Central Park West, of course) and I thoroughly enjoyed discussing your response and we wish you the best of luck in your unhappy pursuit of that elusive market inefficiency.
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Old 11-06-2007, 09:17 PM   #17
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LMAO, she had her boy toy write some BS response using big words. I lol'd.

Edit: His argument was based on reason with no unsubstantiated insults. Her argument is basically a whole lot of nothing written eloquently and full of direct, unsupported insults. Sifting through the BS I have so far found her argument to be: "But I am worth as much now as your assets will at their peak. (BS) I can be repaired using your assets (Also BS)."
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Old 11-06-2007, 09:27 PM   #18
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Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
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Old 11-06-2007, 09:46 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BMW_7 View Post
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.

That's awesome, possum.
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Old 11-07-2007, 03:38 AM   #20
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who cares if its a repost..so ****ing jks
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Quote:
Originally Posted by junaid
"i saw your car there when i was there a few weeks ago, looks absolutely stunning man. I think i popped a ****ing boner, that paint looks sick
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Old 11-07-2007, 03:42 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BMW_7 View Post
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.

oh my ****..anything and i just read this...it gave use mad comic humour this morning.....u are a ****in legend lol

between the vagina holloween costume...the random rap songs u post on my facebook.....and this.....youve been on a ****in roll this month omg
not many times do i give something the ROLFERCOASTER seal of approval
but kudos to you....you are the master of weird shit..and we love u for it
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Quote:
Originally Posted by junaid
"i saw your car there when i was there a few weeks ago, looks absolutely stunning man. I think i popped a ****ing boner, that paint looks sick
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Old 11-07-2007, 09:39 AM   #22
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So, shes an idiot and he is still correct in his argument?
Her ]cut wrists at 35[
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Old 11-07-2007, 09:58 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JMW View Post
oh my ****..anything and i just read this...it gave use mad comic humour this morning.....u are a ****in legend lol

between the vagina holloween costume...the random rap songs u post on my facebook.....and this.....youve been on a ****in roll this month omg
not many times do i give something the ROLFERCOASTER seal of approval
but kudos to you....you are the master of weird shit..and we love u for it
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Old 11-07-2007, 09:59 AM   #24
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Hahaha.... I love that M&M one... haven't seen that in a little while, it's too funny!.

And yeah, the craigslist bitch is jsut that... that dude put her in her place, smartly. Her response was just a lot of blah blah blah.... ah well. Rich bitches, who needs em.
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Old 11-07-2007, 10:06 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BMW_7 View Post
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
LMFAO..............ROFL.............

Of course the Brown ones are gonna be strong...............Braaap!!!
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Old 11-07-2007, 11:20 AM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JMW View Post
oh my ****..anything and i just read this...it gave use mad comic humour this morning.....u are a ****in legend lol

between the vagina holloween costume...the random rap songs u post on my facebook.....and this.....youve been on a ****in roll this month omg
not many times do i give something the ROLFERCOASTER seal of approval
but kudos to you....you are the master of weird shit..and we love u for it
I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to masturbate. It was sunny and clear out, so I was worried one of the other drivers would see me, but my jeep is pretty high off the ground, so I think no one noticed. I busted a nut and aimed it down, ruining my tweety bird floor mat. I felt kinda stupid after and my mom kept silent the rest of the drive home. It was awkward and I regret it.



Like usually once a day in seperate classes I used to pick out one chick that I was attracted to. I would start rubbing myself and looking at her, then i would ask to use the bathroom. After sitting on the pot with my boner out as not to look suspicious I would beat it to the point of climax still thinking about the same chick. It was a different one every-day. I would stand up turn around real quick and cum into my palm. I would not wash my hands and return to class. Then to fofill my fantasy i would wipe the palm of my jizz on the girls back later in the hall-way. I even had to raise my hand with jizz on it one time.




Here is another personal story I feel I need to share with you. Sometimes in the shower I like to act like Luke Skywalker. I like to play out the scene where he's fighting Darth Vader with the light sabers except my penis is the saber's handle and a stream of piss is the yellow blade. I'll swing it back and forth, which I end up covering the shower in piss but I eventually win. One time I wanted to see what it felt like to have my hand cut off like Luke so I used my yellow blade and pissed on my arm. It didn't work.



The other day I was walking down the road when I saw this little kid skipping rocks out into the lake. I started thinking about those poor rocks. One moments they're sitting there in the sun, all warm and rocky, then the next they're flying through the air and then suddenly sinking into the cold, dark, depths of the lake. Before I knew what was happening an intense, burning anger overcame me. I said "hey little kid, how would you like it if I picked you up and tossed you out into the cold lake?" Tears welled up in his little kid eyes and he kind of whimpered back "I'm sorry but I wouldnt like it at all sir". And you know what? I believed him. And it turns out the little shit was right. He cried the whole time he was in the air, but as he sank I bet he was thinking "I'll tell those rocks I'm sorry when I get to the bottom".




So I was in Japan on this road that was parallel to some train tracks, all
of a sudden I see a High Speed Bullet train in the distance, I downshift to
catch up. I get alongside of him at about 150 +/-. I give him 3 honks and a
couple seconds later, I put 5-6 bullet train lengths on him and I was STILL
pullin on him.
I met him at the train station and talked to the engineer for a couple
minutes and talked about his mods, hes got an upgraded electrical rail
connector, capacitors and some program. I would hate to see what i would do
to him if we really raced from a dig, cuz if im pulling that many trains
from a roll...dig = owned



My first time at the gas station-
I pulled in to the gas station just as my car gave a final gulp of breath while shutting off from thirst. I gave a small smirk as I reached in my pocket and fingered the twenty dollar bill crumpled there. I knew this would be a very enjoyable stop. Next to the pump, I slowly undo the latch on my car, letting out a damp puff of air as the lid opens, revealing the dark, wet hole to the engine. My hand goes for the pump, ripping it forcefully from the stand, jerking the handle ever so hungrily. Slowly, ever so slowly, I slide the nozzle into the gas tank, the grimy sound of metal rubbing against metal filling my ears. I constricted my grip around the handle. A low cough of gears churning inside the pump, and I feel the gas start to come. Yellowish, clear liquid with a very potent stench flows through the pump's tube and gushes into my tank. The car sort of settles into place as the liquid slowly fills it's tank. And just as it really started to begin, it ends. I pull out the nozzle, fresh juice still dripping from the end. The hatch to the tank slides closed ever so smooth, and I pay the $20. I can't wait until next time.
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Old 11-07-2007, 11:23 AM   #27
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I've never done anything like this before in my life. The last several hours, I've had diarrhea so I've had to run to the bathroom numerous times to unload.

Well, when I got up this morning, I unloaded some more poo into the toilet, and then got into the shower. My stomach wasn't really bothering me and I thought I would be fine.

So, I started showering and after a few minutes, my stomach starting rumbling. I thought, "oh this can't be good", and tried to hurry up the shower. As I faced my back to the shower head to wash my back, I suddenly had the enormous urge to poo and there was no way I could stop it. I bent over and all the sudden the nastiest diarrhea ever shot out of my ass and went all over one side of the tub. I couldn't believe what I was doing, but at the same time, it felt so wonderful. To be unloading a giant poo over the drain while having hot water massage my back was such an amazing feeling. It felt so great that I looked down and saw that I instantly had a boner. "Why, hello thar!" I thought to myself. As the poo kept pouring out and the water felt so good massaging my back, I couldn't take it any more and started stroking my hard cock. I came within about 20 seconds, that's how amazing the whole experience was.

When I finally was finished and looked around the cum and poo infested tub, I couldn't believe what I had done.
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Old 11-07-2007, 11:26 AM   #28
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Sometimes when taking a shit I dream about a pair of gay lumber jacks chopping down trees; Frank and Tim. Frank is a burly man. He fits the description of generic lumber jack. Hes burly and hairy in all the wrong places. He also enjoys being completly naked while chopping lumber. One day while lazily swinging his axe about he accidently severs the clasp on Tim's pants. They fall to his feet. Thanks to Frank's lumberjacking skills, his quick reflexes allow him to catch Tim's member before it hits the ground. Its larger than Frank imagined. Hefty almost. The awkard silence that follows is broken by Tim. He says "Well what do you think? Shall we?". At which point Frank takes the lumber in his mouth. Its rough, dry and harsh just like a tree. Its everything he ever wanted.
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Old 11-07-2007, 11:32 AM   #29
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I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.




so i have a pretty big walk in shower and i usually sit down naked and let the water hit me. i know it def has enough room for 2 people. so im sitting down taking a shower and this big ma ****er almost goes on my thigh. im sorry but my dick is exposed and i do not want any spider on it, or biting it or whatever. god that was sooo nasty



Guys this is probably the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. I was at my girlfriends house tonight for dinner, and shortly after i had to go #2. My Gf's brother was in the downstairs bathroom, so i went upstairs to use the master bathroom. I was about to take a dump, and I remembered something my friend told me called AC Slatering.
AC Slatering is when you take a dump facing backwards on the toilet, just how on saved by the bell AC Slater always sat backwards on a chair. So when I was taking a dump, My stomach was facing the back of the toilet, and my back was facing the door. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and began to get nervous. Since AC Slatering is a tough position to get into, it requires taking off your pants. So there I am sitting in my GF's parents bathroom taking a dump with my pants off and facing the wrong way on the toilet. My dump was about halfway out when the footsteps became closer. I then turned around to see that I had not locked the door. Trying to finish as quickly as I could, I began pushing harder and harder. Suddenly, the door opened, and my gf's mom stood there in shock staring at me. We made eye contact for a split second, and I was so embarrassed I wanted to die. I quickly finished up, got dressed, and ran out of the house as quickly as I could. I am expecting my gf to break up with me tomorrow. I am so embarrassed and I hope my gf doesn't blabber about this, Ill die if anyone else finds out.



I have a problem.
I live with a girl. We live in a small 2 bedroom apartment. I kind of like her and she kind of likes me back, there is def. something going on between us. Well, about 2 weeks ago, I couldn't help myself, so i went into her bedroom and masturbated over her sleeping body (she sleeps in this kinky teddy..HAWT) Well, I started doing it every night, then last night, I went into her room like usual and started masturbating only to find out that she was awake! I almost ran out of the room and but she stopped me and said that she knew I had been doing it for the past week! I was really embarassed. I couldn't say anything, until she asked "so are you gonna ****ing me instead of FAPPIN' off to me?" I couldn't believe it! I went over and got in bed with her and we ****ed most of the night! The next morning, I was awoken by her screaming. She didn't know why I was in her bed. On top of that she thinks I raped her in her sleep! Now she's crying and threatening to call the cops on me!


Yesterday night I was standing in line at the movie theater waiting to buy tickets, and I noticed that the girl in front of me was wearing really tight jeans. Okay it wasn't really a girl it was a guy but damn did his ass look awesome in those jeans. I couldn't help myself and I reached into my back pocket to feel my own ass imagining it was his, I tried to play it off like I was trying to get something out of my pocket but I don't think the girl standing next to me bought it because the girl standing next to me was my girlfriend and she could tell. Then it was our turn to buy tickets and I noticed that she was gazing into my eyes and drooling. I think when I was feeling my own ass it really turned her on, but it might have been because she has down syndrome
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Old 11-07-2007, 11:34 AM   #30
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Best one ever




It's always been a fantasy of mine to be a sex slave for 2 bears, male and female, pleasing the male when she's tired, and vice versa. Slowly sliding my lips up and down his thick shaft, tasting his pre-cum on my tongue. Once he's had enough of that, he rolls over onto his back, lifting me up as though I weighed nothing. Gently placing me on his cock, I guide him in, feeling him stretch me wide open. I moan with pleasure, feeling him fill me up. He growls softly, I feel it rumble deep in his chest, vibrating all the way down his body and through mine. He continues to lift me up and then pull me down. He's doing all the work for me, it feels so good, the warmth of the fur, his paws either side of my waist. He is in total control, I'm just nothing compared to his vast size and strength, but I have total trust in him, I know he won't hurt me. I feel the pace quicken, almost imperceptibly. I slowly stroke myself, feeling myself nearing the point of no return coming closer with every stroke. I can hear the growl getting louder now, he speeds up even more, forcing me further and further down onto his thick cock. If it wasn't for the fact I my body is racing so many endorphins, I would probably be screaming in agony. Except I am panting and whining, just like a bitch, begging her mate to fill her up. His claws dig in deeper, the pain, it's exquisite. It sends me over the edge. My head goes back, I let out a short grunt, I feel my cock explode, covering his chest fur in my seed. I keep stroking, it looks as though I'm trying to rip my cock out. I let out another grunt, another torrent flows forth, then another and another. A drop lands on the beasts muzzle. He seems confused for a moment. That's what I think. He digs his paws in even harder now and slams me onto his cock, I feel his grumble turn into a roar. He's cumming, oh my god. I can feel in, filling me up. It's indescribable. He's mating with me, he's claimed me. I feel him slow, his cock still throbbing within me, it seems as though there's no more room for his cum. It's dripping out of me, onto his fur. I reach down, then bring my hand up, tasting him. It's more than I ever expected. It's heaven.
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