Click to go to Forum Home Click to go to maXbimmer Home

Go Back   maXbimmer Forums > Misc > Off-topic
User Name
Password


Welcome to Maxbimmer.com!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 06-24-2009, 06:58 PM   #151
JazzM
6th Gear Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Milton
Posts: 4,506


I heard on the radio a while back that it takes men 3 times longer to get over a failed relationship then women. That is due to the fact that women will then tend to lean on their support network of friends, family, etc... whereas men would most likely try to get over it themselves and 9 times out of 10 end up in depression.

Best suggestion I can give you is to not to try to hide your emotions in the sand but to deal with your feelings in a positive way. What you're doing here is a good start, to openly talk about it, etc.

As for advise on future relationships, success rates of those, etc... just take one step at a time, don't rush into anything new, and let this experience teach you something as well as learn more about yourself. Our personalities are constantly changing as we go through these type of experiences.

Best of luck and keep your head up high...

T.
__________________
T.
JazzM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2009, 11:06 PM   #152
xlash
Still learning....
 
xlash's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Center of the Universe
Posts: 641
Thanks for all your kind words, support and wisdom.

She's saying a lot of mean and conceited things about me on the forum. The truth is if I hadn't snooped around I would have never found out about this. Hell she has snooped around more than I have.

It's amazing how quickly she's forgotten all the things I did for her. I totally didn't see that coming.
__________________
Selling: Winter Tires/Wheels for E36/E30
xlash is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 01:15 AM   #153
Dr. Flyview
Formerly Flav_cool
 
Dr. Flyview's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,396
Send a message via MSN to Dr. Flyview
I just read through this whole thread cause it hits close to home.

Hey Xlash. I dunno if we've met. I hope you do well on your exam, and get through this as quickly as possible. How long were you together?

My last significant ex and I broke up last mid-July (08). First got together May of the previous year (07), so it was about 14 months or so.

I have no doubt it was love, and it was the first time that either she or I felt it. We reached a level of sexual synchrony that I can't even discuss on this forum. We had one other serious breakup some months previously and for both she cried a long time. In the end it's been the best and worst thing that's ever happened to me. I can safely say I'm just about over her now (10 months later).

What you've alluded to that hurts the most (and you're right), is how quickly they turn around and start doubting and forgetting what you shared had together.

My advice: Don't draw out the breakup process. In my case, I tried to end all contact with her. However, I would not be able to keep it up and would eventually cave in to her daily calls or call myself. It went through many cycles of me saying "I don't wanna talk to you anymore" to "let's work this out" to "let's be friends." I ****ed another girl within not even 2 weeks after the breakup. Then I told her the next day... We slept a couple more times together but in the end she still didn't wanna work things out. In September, I had just found a camera for her that was the same as hers that was stolen at a party (and she didn't want her dad finding out). I found it and bought it for her (she paid me). However, she wouldn't even see me the day I finally sourced it b/c she was too busy hanging out with her friends and who would later be her new bf. The next day when I went to bring her the camera I had told her we should chill for a bit. I pulled up to the house (her mom was gardening, I didn't get out to talk to her) but when she got in the bimmer I couldn't even look into her eyes. I politely asked one more time if she was sure she didn't wanna work things out. She shook her head. I just couldn't take it anymore so I told her to take her ****in camera, and get out of the car. That's when I proceeded with a clutch kick burnout through all of first and a little into second gear in front of her, her mom, and her dog Smudge. Last time I saw her was in the rear view mirror, her staring down the road at me in awe.

Needless to say I was still crushed afterwards and eventually tried again to talk to her (over and over every few weeks, then every few months). Even to this day I sometimes think about her, but like I said, I think I can finally say I'm over it. SO don't draw out the process, and don't go back or communicate.
__________________

1998 BMW 328is - summer
1993 BMW 525i - daily
1994 BMW 325i - sold
1992 BMW 325i - gone
1988 Mercedes Benz 190E 2.3-8V -
sold


Last edited by Dr. Flyview; 06-25-2009 at 02:06 AM.
Dr. Flyview is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 09:49 AM   #154
BigD
the misanthropist
 
BigD's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: a house
Posts: 6,249
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flav_cool View Post
Needless to say I was still crushed afterwards and eventually tried again to talk to her (over and over every few weeks, then every few months). Even to this day I sometimes think about her, but like I said, I think I can finally say I'm over it. SO don't draw out the process, and don't go back or communicate.
This is why, in my opinion, the getting-over process shouldn't be mentally forced. It's a lesson I learned when I was competing in powerlifting. Few sports put you on the spot like this, standing infront of a large crowd, in silence once the start is given, and trying lift maximal weight. Trying to tell yourself that you rule, you're great, you're superstrong, invincible, just makes things worse. Your mind is your own worst enemy and it would much rather believe the negative thoughts that surface than any of the encouraging BS you or anyone else tries to throw at it. As a result all that happens is things get worse because the fact that you need the kind words really underlines to you just how bad the situation is.

Which is why with breakups, like competition, my best advice is to distract the mind. Occupy yourself, and focus on those things. If you try to sit there and think about how great you are, what an amazing man she's missing, dreaming about her crawling back into your arms and you being a douche about it - will just make you feel worse, and these thoughts will NOT go away on their own as long as you continue to entertain them. Well, they will never really go away, they just won't matter anymore. In time, remembering her will be no different than recalling a time when you pissed yourself in bed or sneezed a booger onto your face.
__________________
BigD is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 12:21 PM   #155
xlash
Still learning....
 
xlash's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Center of the Universe
Posts: 641
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flav_cool View Post
I just read through this whole thread cause it hits close to home.

Hey Xlash. I dunno if we've met. I hope you do well on your exam, and get through this as quickly as possible. How long were you together?

My last significant ex and I broke up last mid-July (08). First got together May of the previous year (07), so it was about 14 months or so.

I have no doubt it was love, and it was the first time that either she or I felt it. We reached a level of sexual synchrony that I can't even discuss on this forum. We had one other serious breakup some months previously and for both she cried a long time. In the end it's been the best and worst thing that's ever happened to me. I can safely say I'm just about over her now (10 months later).

What you've alluded to that hurts the most (and you're right), is how quickly they turn around and start doubting and forgetting what you shared had together.

My advice: Don't draw out the breakup process. In my case, I tried to end all contact with her. However, I would not be able to keep it up and would eventually cave in to her daily calls or call myself. It went through many cycles of me saying "I don't wanna talk to you anymore" to "let's work this out" to "let's be friends." I ****ed another girl within not even 2 weeks after the breakup. Then I told her the next day... We slept a couple more times together but in the end she still didn't wanna work things out. In September, I had just found a camera for her that was the same as hers that was stolen at a party (and she didn't want her dad finding out). I found it and bought it for her (she paid me). However, she wouldn't even see me the day I finally sourced it b/c she was too busy hanging out with her friends and who would later be her new bf. The next day when I went to bring her the camera I had told her we should chill for a bit. I pulled up to the house (her mom was gardening, I didn't get out to talk to her) but when she got in the bimmer I couldn't even look into her eyes. I politely asked one more time if she was sure she didn't wanna work things out. She shook her head. I just couldn't take it anymore so I told her to take her ****in camera, and get out of the car. That's when I proceeded with a clutch kick burnout through all of first and a little into second gear in front of her, her mom, and her dog Smudge. Last time I saw her was in the rear view mirror, her staring down the road at me in awe.

Needless to say I was still crushed afterwards and eventually tried again to talk to her (over and over every few weeks, then every few months). Even to this day I sometimes think about her, but like I said, I think I can finally say I'm over it. SO don't draw out the process, and don't go back or communicate.
No we haven't met but we will. I have to meet all you guys. Just need to get this school over with.

The biggest problem I am faced with is this cycle. I've been down this road in the past and experience does NOTHING for you. I go from being hopelessly depressed to uncaring in no time. I am staying at my friend's place but having to study for exams is extremely painful. Knowing that she's seeing that guy at work is killing me. I haven't spoken to her in over 24 hours now. She's sent me 2 txts that I have successfully ignored.

Everybody has said "good riddance" but my best friend who has seen our relationship evolve over the past 4 years said I should make a last ditch effort. He's known her and seen her posts and messages and doesn't believe she's the kind of girl who will go through with casual sex. It's fantasy at best, not something she would act on but I'm expecting the worst. She's just over the edge pissed that I have complained incessantly about her moving away and the annoying puppy that she's got and I do NOT understand human animal relationships. I made an effort to understand but it's obviously too late.
__________________
Selling: Winter Tires/Wheels for E36/E30
xlash is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 12:24 PM   #156
xlash
Still learning....
 
xlash's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Center of the Universe
Posts: 641
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigD View Post
This is why, in my opinion, the getting-over process shouldn't be mentally forced. It's a lesson I learned when I was competing in powerlifting. Few sports put you on the spot like this, standing infront of a large crowd, in silence once the start is given, and trying lift maximal weight. Trying to tell yourself that you rule, you're great, you're superstrong, invincible, just makes things worse. Your mind is your own worst enemy and it would much rather believe the negative thoughts that surface than any of the encouraging BS you or anyone else tries to throw at it. As a result all that happens is things get worse because the fact that you need the kind words really underlines to you just how bad the situation is.

Which is why with breakups, like competition, my best advice is to distract the mind. Occupy yourself, and focus on those things. If you try to sit there and think about how great you are, what an amazing man she's missing, dreaming about her crawling back into your arms and you being a douche about it - will just make you feel worse, and these thoughts will NOT go away on their own as long as you continue to entertain them. Well, they will never really go away, they just won't matter anymore. In time, remembering her will be no different than recalling a time when you pissed yourself in bed or sneezed a booger onto your face.
LOL! I am trying not to force anything. The hardest times are when I am alone or when I feel like responding to her or contacting her or thinking about what she's doing.

I'll get through this...I know I will. I just need to hang in there. Time is my best friend.....err 2nd best friend. MaxBimmer > time.
__________________
Selling: Winter Tires/Wheels for E36/E30
xlash is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 12:31 PM   #157
Boots R
Boots, not boost
 
Boots R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Brampton
Posts: 11,033
**** bitches

get money
Boots R is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 12:50 PM   #158
propr'one
op sucks cock
 
propr'one's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: T.
Posts: 17,842
Send a message via MSN to propr'one
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boots R View Post
10 @echo off
20 Lprint "get money"
30 Lprint "**** bitches"
40 Go To 20
50 End
Edited for
A) order
B) turbo basic
__________________
I run a canadian led kit & hid kit company, if you have any questions about led headlights or hid kits in canada or would like to check out our products please contact me here: http://absolutehid.ca

Hot: 2001 Estoril M RoadsterZCP 19's michelin supersports, ZHP knob, JL 8W3
Cold: 2002 TiAg M3 6mt deoranged, dechromed, led tails, ZHP knob, UUC SS v3, GROM, OEM 18's w310's,
Fun: 2006 YZF-R6, black, ohlins, pazzo, cat delete, vance hines csone, YEC racing tune
propr'one is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 12:56 PM   #159
Dr. Flyview
Formerly Flav_cool
 
Dr. Flyview's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,396
Send a message via MSN to Dr. Flyview
Quote:
Originally Posted by xlash View Post
No we haven't met but we will. I have to meet all you guys. Just need to get this school over with.

The biggest problem I am faced with is this cycle. I've been down this road in the past and experience does NOTHING for you. I go from being hopelessly depressed to uncaring in no time. I am staying at my friend's place but having to study for exams is extremely painful. Knowing that she's seeing that guy at work is killing me. I haven't spoken to her in over 24 hours now. She's sent me 2 txts that I have successfully ignored.

Everybody has said "good riddance" but my best friend who has seen our relationship evolve over the past 4 years said I should make a last ditch effort. He's known her and seen her posts and messages and doesn't believe she's the kind of girl who will go through with casual sex. It's fantasy at best, not something she would act on but I'm expecting the worst. She's just over the edge pissed that I have complained incessantly about her moving away and the annoying puppy that she's got and I do NOT understand human animal relationships. I made an effort to understand but it's obviously too late.
I don't think there's much you can do about "the cycle" unless you truly master mind control or do as BigD suggested and do something physical that doesn't require much thought. Working on my car would work wonders and keep my mind off it for hours.

I haven't addressed the whole reason you broke up. She obviously wants to **** this guy. You need to understand even if she convinces herself she was being retarded, that desire will always really still be there. You need to ask yourself if you can accept your girl wanting other men purely for sexual pleasure. I probably wouldn't be able to stand her actually doing it, but wanting it, maybe. Or maybe you can have a threesome or something?? I don't know I'm just saying maybe we have to be a little more open to sexual needs and fantasies...IF the love between you two remains strong or gets stronger. Talk to her about it... The only reason I'm suggesting this is because a 4 year relationship is still no joke. If you saw the love itself dying off though, then it's best to let it go.
__________________

1998 BMW 328is - summer
1993 BMW 525i - daily
1994 BMW 325i - sold
1992 BMW 325i - gone
1988 Mercedes Benz 190E 2.3-8V -
sold

Dr. Flyview is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 01:05 PM   #160
Ceeker
Parts hoarding partner...
 
Ceeker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,402
This may not sound very nice but go out and date women to help get over her. It's call the rebound. We all get hurt; not saying doing that is right. "but all is fair in love and war"
Or just tough it out; a much harder way to get through it but still if it doesn't kill ya, it will make you stronger. (Grin) Go out with the boys, and keep yourself busy; gradually the hurt will get less and pretty soon your self esteem will be back up again! it takes time...and that is all.
__________________

I think I've had 14 bmw's in 4 years.
2 IX's -sold and parts
2 325i 4 dr - sold
4 318is all white - sold and parts
1 87 325is red - parts
1 89 325i vert grey - parts
1 90 325is white - keepin
1 87 325i vert -red - keepin
latest addition 1 88-325is red - parts
latest addition 1 89-325i vert - white -fixin/sold
latest addition 1 92-318i vert - blue - parts
latest addition 1 87 325is blk - parts.

latest addition as of 2013-Gold 87-325is auto! it's a keeper!
Ceeker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 01:11 PM   #161
europrince
6th Gear Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: North York
Posts: 6,729
Next!.....
europrince is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 01:34 PM   #162
xlash
Still learning....
 
xlash's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Center of the Universe
Posts: 641
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flav_cool View Post
I don't think there's much you can do about "the cycle" unless you truly master mind control or do as BigD suggested and do something physical that doesn't require much thought. Working on my car would work wonders and keep my mind off it for hours.

I haven't addressed the whole reason you broke up. She obviously wants to **** this guy. You need to understand even if she convinces herself she was being retarded, that desire will always really still be there. You need to ask yourself if you can accept your girl wanting other men purely for sexual pleasure. I probably wouldn't be able to stand her actually doing it, but wanting it, maybe. Or maybe you can have a threesome or something?? I don't know I'm just saying maybe we have to be a little more open to sexual needs and fantasies...IF the love between you two remains strong or gets stronger. Talk to her about it... The only reason I'm suggesting this is because a 4 year relationship is still no joke. If you saw the love itself dying off though, then it's best to let it go.
Ok let me explain why I was so blinded-sided by this whole thing. If I asked her if she was interested in other guys she'd say no. It was a flat out no, for 4 years. She did check out other guys but not something any girl in a strong relationship wouldn't do. We made it clear right from the start that any physical contact with a girl by me or a guy by her would be the end. She set the ground rules and I was absolutely ok with it. No dancing with other people or hanging out with members of the opposite sex. I did lose lots of female friends and even guy friends since I was spending time with her over the years and even though that miffed me I was ok with it.

I'm not into threesomes even if the 3rd person is a girl and she wouldn't even want to hear the word. I want my girl all to myself. Not the straightest answer you'd expect but given how intense and possessive our relationship was that's to be expected.

Honestly our love did grow stronger and it matured. We learnt that we'd need to hang out with other friends of the opposite sex. We grew secure with each other as well.

But her wanting to flat out nail another guy yanked my feet out from underneath me.

My friend who has met her, known her is saying that I should make a surprise last ditch effort. If that fails then I'll know for sure and it'll help me move on because I'll know for sure I did everythin I could. He reasons this because she put up with my complaining about her dogs for months on end and cried when we broke up. She even tried to convince me what her dogs mean to her. I am not without fault. I am very possessive about my space and I should learn to be more accepting. But I didn't think she'd pull this crap of wanting to screw another guy.

When I last spoke to her she said the reason why she fancies him is because he's more of a single man. Our relationship got very competitive. I mean I'd do something if she did something and she'd do something if I did something. That's not the sign of a progressive relationship at all.

The thing is I want another shot. I know I can start improving this relationship on my own and she'll jump on once the momentum gets going. But if she's so much as touched that guy or hung out with him then I'm through. And that's what I am afraid of. Kind of hard to accept that such a fantastic relationship deteriorated and got sewered like that.

And about trust. I know I can trust her. Her last words were about trust. She's had a tough time trusting me and I've never had issues trusting her until this past week.

Anyway I'm just rambling on. I'm going to go to an interview and then work out. If I feel like it tomorrow then after the exam I'll drive up to see her. I bought a Dyson vacuum cleaner (she paid for it) and she's been waiting for me to go up to see her. Hell she also bought sex toys. Honestly, if she's used those sex toys with the guy I'm going to end up punching her but I won't jump to conclusion now.

You can't turn a ho into housewife. But this chic was a bonafide housewife who wants to turn into a ho.
__________________
Selling: Winter Tires/Wheels for E36/E30
xlash is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 01:36 PM   #163
xlash
Still learning....
 
xlash's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Center of the Universe
Posts: 641
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceeker View Post
This may not sound very nice but go out and date women to help get over her. It's call the rebound. We all get hurt; not saying doing that is right. "but all is fair in love and war"
Or just tough it out; a much harder way to get through it but still if it doesn't kill ya, it will make you stronger. (Grin) Go out with the boys, and keep yourself busy; gradually the hurt will get less and pretty soon your self esteem will be back up again! it takes time...and that is all.
I can't. I don't even feel like meeting and talking to women. There's this red head at work that I wouldn't mind drilling or dating for that matter but right now I can't seem to find my mojo.
__________________
Selling: Winter Tires/Wheels for E36/E30
xlash is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 01:46 PM   #164
Dr. Flyview
Formerly Flav_cool
 
Dr. Flyview's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,396
Send a message via MSN to Dr. Flyview
Well it sounds like you two were in love. However, I disagree that you can trust her. Even if she wanted that guy and couldn't control herself, she should have come to talk to you about it, not plan how she was going to do it behind your back. I say keep quiet for at least a week and see if she comes begging. Hell, let her **** that guy (I know it's hard to imagine) and see how much more she had with you...
__________________

1998 BMW 328is - summer
1993 BMW 525i - daily
1994 BMW 325i - sold
1992 BMW 325i - gone
1988 Mercedes Benz 190E 2.3-8V -
sold

Dr. Flyview is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2009, 05:45 PM   #165
MiroE36
6th Gear Member
 
MiroE36's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Toronto
Posts: 1,896
I don't want to be an ass, but it's vital that you come to this realization as soon as possible, a woman is just a woman, a man's sexual needs will always supersede his need for companion ship. If you need something to love, get a dog... never put too much trust and faith into the opposite sex, love is something that is developed, it comes , it takes a life-time to learn everything about the person you are with... most relationships now-a-days are way too rushed... a healthy relationship moves along slowly and takes the time to incubate into something that will be beautiful and ever-lasting.
__________________
1992 325i / Briliant rot - SOLD @ 301,000km
1998 318is / Arktic silber - SOLD @ 207,000km
2007 335i / Jet Black - CURRENT @ 28,000 km

MiroE36 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:44 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Maxbimmer Copyright 2001 - 2015