well, knock on wood but the problem hasn't returned.
I think it was a combination fuel pump relay and, more likely, the actual connector on the fuel pump itself.
I noticed the connector on the fuel pump made solid contact, but it came off pretty easy. When I cranked the car, I didn't always hear the fuel pump running. Then whenever I put the access panel back on, the connector would back off and car would not start.
My solution was to ziptie the connector to the output fuel line therfore holding it nice and tight, as well as cleaning the contacts. I also replaced the fuel pump relay (had a new one lying around) and will still be picking up a main relay as extra insurance
328is is no more