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Old 07-16-2009, 12:58 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sands View Post
I was actually going to recommend Guelph, but thought you already had your mind set on Owen Sound. There is also Kitchener and Waterloo that are nice and quiet, and there's jobs out there too. My sister and her husband lived in Kitchener for quite a while and both had great jobs.
I heard Barrie is nice too, I wouldn't know though, never been.
Thanks! Actually all those places are options we can explore in a couple of years. She doesn't want to do this job forever. Besides I hear Guelph is a fantastic place to live, the polar opposite of Scarborough.
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Old 07-16-2009, 01:06 PM   #17
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I am planning to marry this girl. She has a stable job that pays well. She also doesn't really care if it takes me time to get a job.

Sirex - I don't think what you said applies completely to Owen Sound. It has its share of welfare ridden people but I see places like Zehr (Loblaws), Cineplex - basically high priced places doing good. People drive in rusty American cars as well as newer and more expensive Subarus and Civic Si's. I think I'll take a crack it. Won't know until I try it out.

VSanj - there are plenty of coloured people there, especially brown.
word, not how i remember it.....i was joking anyways.....go for it and best of luck to you!
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Old 07-16-2009, 01:27 PM   #18
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A girl who left you because she wanted to **** someone else, is having second thoughts about leaving you, but still wants the other guy's cock in her (but she's trying to work on that). You've decided you're willing to give it another shot. You're going to quit your job and move in with her in a place you've never been before.

Reads like a synopsis for a tragedy man. I know some things in life are worth the risk but this is more like playing Russian roulette with one empty chamber, instead of the other way around.
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Old 07-16-2009, 01:46 PM   #19
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yeah man, don t do it. If you need someone as a crutch, then you have stuff you have to deal with yourself. People are ment to accompany you in life, not be your crutches to stop you from crashing.
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Old 07-16-2009, 01:55 PM   #20
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Ok so your gf has a stable job in Owen Sound and she saved you from messing up your life, at the same time, she has a crush on another baldy ugly guy and you are willing to sacrifice 2 or 3 years of your time.

I hope she realised how much you love her.

if you are willing to accept change, any place you choose to live is going to be fine just need some planning, I.E job or business venture.

Owen Sound is a summer place, people drives there for summer, so seasonal business is another option.

You are in IT, I presumed.. In IT, its virtual office nowadays especially if you are writing applications...

Ultimately, it's your decision... follow your heart....
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Old 07-16-2009, 02:07 PM   #21
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I think alot of people go through the phase where they fall in love with a girl and shit like this goes down, but they are - not saying you, just generalizing - too scared to have to find a new girl because things with her have been so good in the past and want those old feelings back, etc. Plus theres the whole idea that damn, maybe you lucked out and will never get back with another girl of the same "calibre" etc. I dont know.

What I can say here is that there are ALOT of fish in the sea. Leaving Toronto is no big deal, its good to go out and get experience at other places, Getting out of your comfort zone is a huge step forward and I think a big aid in individual growth, HOWEVER getting out of your comfort zone for the wrong reasons can also be a huge step backwards.

AKA moving in with a girl that was going to bang bang some other dude because she had a crush on him while shes being with you. Thats ****ed.

Girls dont think logically they think emotionally, what feels right, right now, is what I am going to do. But how you handle is what is going to make the difference. Youve said OKAY Im willing to try again. But really you think you can change her, or tame her? If she wants to suck some dudes dick, shes probably going to. I dont know why she would, maybe youre not satisfying her, maybe youre not man enough, maybe youre being to emotional for her and not being a man, cant decide shit. I dont know. all I can do is specualte these things and give my advice.

Just remember there are alot of fish in the sea. Like alot. I know you feel like you got nothing going on in Toronto, but what, youre going to go to Owen Sound and do waht there? Probably a whole bunch of nothing as well?

Maybe go travel for a year or something when you graduate. That will probably be the best thing you can do in regards to having nothing going on. When you get back then you can look at stabilizing.

The most depressing thing will be when you dont have a job and you gotta look to her for aid and be her bitch and then follow her rules. When shell have the position of power things might be different. And looking at this through a dark/cynical prespective might be wrong, but **** she wanted to suck mcChodes dick down the street, I wouldn't put anything past her now.

All youre doing right now, is giving excuses and trying to excuse why moving in with her to Owen sound is a good idea. Too much business competition in Toronto, the polllution, blah, blah, blah, boo hoo hooo hoo.. All bullshit excuses to make your self CHANGE your mind that this is the right thing to do.

IF you want to start a businesss bad enough, Toronto offers the best market for a stable income if your business is good and the consumers to make you thrive. Those butt **** towns dont got shit going on despite what others are saying.. Ya good jobs in Guelph.. Doing what? Working for Sleeman, or for the univeristy? Or for some other manfucaturing job thats going down hill? That entire area is all manufacturing, and the competition to get in so tight its retarded. Good jobs exist everywhere, but if you think going there because its small place is going to make getting a job EAsy, I think youre going to be sadly mistaken. There are far fewer job openings, and 10 times the amount of candidates.
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Old 07-16-2009, 02:11 PM   #22
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Alright I guess I gotta lay this out in the open. At some point in our relationship I started taking her for granted. She couldn't tell me anything for fear of us getting into fights. So our relationship started crumbling and she started having hots for some other guy - the rebound guy if you will. When we broke up she wanted to have sex with this guy no strings attached. She was also positive that we wouldn't get back together. Her premise is that if there's a chance of us getting back together she wouldn't do anything with another guy. We broke up a couple of years ago for 2 days and I drilled another chic almost immediately. But we got back together and she never found out. I had the hots for that girl too but it eventually withered away since my gf and I started doing great. Then recently she moved to Owen Sound for a new job and got a 2nd dog that I disapproved of so we started fighting again and then we ended up here.

BigD what you are saying is absolutely logical. But having a crush on another guy/girl while in a relationship is normal as long as you don't act on it and let it die out. My gf is doing exactly that. On top of that she tells me everything and is putting in a lot of effort into our relationship. She keeps telling me to continue doing what I am doing and I'm the only one she'll be thinking about.

From a 3rd person's point of view the plan of action is really simple - dump this chic and move one, find another girl. BUT how often do you meet or have been with a girl who hasn't kept secrets from you or been close to 100% honest? How often do you come across another girl (or guy if you're a girl) who reverberates the same ideas and views on damn near everything from socio-politics to how we'll live our lives. She constantly reassures me that this is crush that she needs to get over, no different from celebrity crushes. She's told me numerous times that if I can't trust her it'll be very difficult for us to get through this. So I'm just going to have to suck it up.

Maybe 2 years from now I might come back and say BigD and the rest of maxB, I should have taken your advice but right now it just doesn't seem that way. But I assure you I will if it ever comes to it. Thanks for your input.
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Old 07-16-2009, 02:12 PM   #23
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ok... ?
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Old 07-16-2009, 02:18 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by xlash View Post
Alright I guess I gotta lay this out in the open. At some point in our relationship I started taking her for granted. She couldn't tell me anything for fear of us getting into fights. So our relationship started crumbling and she started having hots for some other guy - the rebound guy if you will. When we broke up she wanted to have sex with this guy no strings attached. She was also positive that we wouldn't get back together. Her premise is that if there's a chance of us getting back together she wouldn't do anything with another guy. We broke up a couple of years ago for 2 days and I drilled another chic almost immediately. But we got back together and she never found out. I had the hots for that girl too but it eventually withered away since my gf and I started doing great. Then recently she moved to Owen Sound for a new job and got a 2nd dog that I disapproved of so we started fighting again and then we ended up here.

BigD what you are saying is absolutely logical. But having a crush on another guy/girl while in a relationship is normal as long as you don't act on it and let it die out. My gf is doing exactly that. On top of that she tells me everything and is putting in a lot of effort into our relationship. She keeps telling me to continue doing what I am doing and I'm the only one she'll be thinking about.

From a 3rd person's point of view the plan of action is really simple - dump this chic and move one, find another girl. BUT how often do you meet or have been with a girl who hasn't kept secrets from you or been close to 100% honest? How often do you come across another girl (or guy if you're a girl) who reverberates the same ideas and views on damn near everything from socio-politics to how we'll live our lives. She constantly reassures me that this is crush that she needs to get over, no different from celebrity crushes. She's told me numerous times that if I can't trust her it'll be very difficult for us to get through this. So I'm just going to have to suck it up.

Maybe 2 years from now I might come back and say BigD and the rest of maxB, I should have taken your advice but right now it just doesn't seem that way. But I assure you I will if it ever comes to it. Thanks for your input.


Thats the problem right there, THAT YOU have to suck it up to be with her, and not the other way around. Youre living in her reality, not your own. Having the hots for another guy is not logical to me. That means their is a fundemental flaw in your relationship, and you need to STEP up and be a man and get that shit handled ASAP. Its one thing for your girlfriend to be like :OMG brad pitt is so ****ing sexy" its another for her to be like "omg Im dreaming about the guy next door" you realize that ONE IS A HUGE Problem, the other isn't (the later being the big problem if you didn't grasp that)

Breaking up dumping a girl is not simple at all, its very difficult specially after all that time. I just dont want to see antoher man turn into a bitch for the sake of some pussy and some fun times you had together, when there about 3 billion other women that could probably make you feel the same way. You gotta step up and decide what youre going to allow in your life and what youre not. What behaviour you accept and what you do not.

Shes dealling with a "crush" is nonsense to me. What happens what another guy comes along and sweet talks her? Shes trying hard to be honest? Give me a break. I dont know man.

check out www.rsdnation.com, maybe some of the guys there can give you better advice. Id hate to see you ruin 3 years of your life for some crazy bitch.
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Old 07-16-2009, 02:25 PM   #25
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She's absolutely fine with me depending on her when I move to Owen Sound. I've talked to her many times about this and even when our relationship was in the dumps she said she'd that we'd just switch roles. I'll stay home, do some of the cleaning and work on developing the business while she worked. It's 2009 and moving ahead so I don't see a problem with that. If anything I'll be the one hanging out with stay-at-home moms with the potential for nookie. Just saying

Sirex - I'll disagree about not doing anything in Owen Sound. I've been there in the last 2 months and I've already met more people and developed more worthy connections than I have here in Toronto. However, I'll agree that I need to go out of my comfort zone and see what else is out there. I've been city bred all my life and worked for other people. I have to step outside that zone and do something if I want to get anywhere or chase my dreams.

Oh yeah there are LOTS of fish in the sea but finding the right kind is really tough. I've had opportunities to cheat on my gf quite a few times and even though they were gf material, just not my gf material. This one might have wanted to nail another guy when our relationship hit rock bottom and we broke up but did an about turn when I changed things up. That's better than what I can say about myself last year.
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Old 07-16-2009, 02:38 PM   #26
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^^dont ever admit to cheating anywhere, to anyone. That would be my advice. Owen sound? Sure, why not.
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Old 07-16-2009, 02:45 PM   #27
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Thats the problem right there, THAT YOU have to suck it up to be with her, and not the other way around. Youre living in her reality, not your own. Having the hots for another guy is not logical to me. That means their is a fundemental flaw in your relationship, and you need to STEP up and be a man and get that shit handled ASAP. Its one thing for your girlfriend to be like :OMG brad pitt is so ****ing sexy" its another for her to be like "omg Im dreaming about the guy next door" you realize that ONE IS A HUGE Problem, the other isn't (the later being the big problem if you didn't grasp that)

Breaking up dumping a girl is not simple at all, its very difficult specially after all that time. I just dont want to see antoher man turn into a bitch for the sake of some pussy and some fun times you had together, when there about 3 billion other women that could probably make you feel the same way. You gotta step up and decide what youre going to allow in your life and what youre not. What behaviour you accept and what you do not.

Shes dealling with a "crush" is nonsense to me. What happens what another guy comes along and sweet talks her? Shes trying hard to be honest? Give me a break. I dont know man.

check out www.rsdnation.com, maybe some of the guys there can give you better advice. Id hate to see you ruin 3 years of your life for some crazy bitch.
Honestly I am tired of sucking up to her. I did plenty of that when I tried to win her back and it worked. Now I have basically stated my stipulations and I'll gladly list some of them for you:
1) She's positive she's going going to get over that guy. If there's doubt this is over.
2) I'll move to Owen Sound and if it doesn't work out and I don't like that place I'm moving out and back to the GTA in 2 years (maybe 3). She doesn't like the sound of that but she'll do her part.
3) I'll help out with the cleaning i.e. vacuuming and keeping things neat. She'll do the cooking and washrooms.

I thought she was going to negative to some of my statements above if not all but she responded by saying "I want to marry you".

I swear this situation would have been different, maybe easier if she had cheated on me or boned the guy anyway but she didn't. I've gone through her e-mails, txt msgs etc. since we got back together there hasn't even been a reason for me to be remotely suspicious. She asks me what I want to eat, goes the extra mile during sex and printed out a gigantic picture of us for her office space amongst other things. It's not easy making a decision either way.
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Old 07-16-2009, 02:49 PM   #28
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I'm not trying to be your father dude, just pointing out how things look from the outside. And the last thing I'd want in a situation like this is to be in a position to say "I told you so" - I'm not rooting for you to fail.

It seems like the Russian roulette example parallels your situation in more ways than one. If you think this is the last time you've had a fight like this, you're wrong. If you think you'll never take her for granted again, you're wrong. It is certainly natural to be attracted to other people - after all, the porn industry clientele is not limited to single people. The big question is, what happens then? The only difference between a murderer and the average human being is a squeeze of the trigger.

My personal opinion, however little it may be worth to you, is that the way to know whether or not someone is worth investing yourself into is whether or not you can take each other's shit. Will she stay with you after you go off the hook over one of your stupid ****ing mental malfunctions? Will you stay with her when she does? You can change a lot of things about yourself. Habits are very hard to change. Values, after a certain point in life (which is a lot earlier than people think, probably early teen at the latest), you cannot. You can't talk yourself out of them, any impression to the contrary is dilusion. And violating your values always leads to misery, until the cause for the violation is removed (such as another person).

I'm not a believer in second chances for any reason, and trust is the biggest one. It's hard enough to know who you can trust without any reason to the contrary, but you already have concrete proof that both of you are happy to bail and go **** someone else when things get rough. It may never happen again, sure. But you have to be seriously honest with yourself if you think it's worth the unusually high risk. Like I said I'm not going to say "I told you so" if it does, but neither I nor anyone else (which should include you both) would be terribly shocked if it does.

But if I'm full of shit then good luck man.
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Old 07-16-2009, 03:08 PM   #29
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Interesting. I didn't put you in a paternal position but you had nothing to lose if you felt that way.

I do believe in giving 2nd chances (that's where you and I are different); to myself and to her, I'd say our values are the same and neither of us are willing to change that. Habits are something we both have and are trying to change. I have treated her like dirt and she's done the same but there's palpable evidence we've improved and will continue to do so.

I know there's plenty of other fish in the sea but I'd like to explore that option when I know for sure I need to kick this one to the curb because she deserves it. I've been in a spot where I've regretted giving up easily on something and I don't ever want to be there.
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Old 07-16-2009, 03:09 PM   #30
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^^dont ever admit to cheating anywhere, to anyone. That would be my advice. Owen sound? Sure, why not.
That's a positive piece of advice. I can't say that I've ever cheated so I'm safe either way.
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