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Old 01-22-2010, 09:07 AM   #16
digiital
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Location: On Lake Ontario on my sailboat
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Oh gosh. Those messages are fuuuuunnny. Lmao at work.
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Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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Old 01-22-2010, 09:19 AM   #17
///Maluco
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f____________________ck...I still can't find it.
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Bimmer Mag......................October 2010.....................Issue No. 93
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Old 01-22-2010, 01:08 PM   #18
davericher20
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omg I am in tears! This shit is Gold!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JINT View Post
Some people have serious track experience from the cruise, so what is fast to you, isn't fast to them.
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Old 01-22-2010, 03:38 PM   #19
black bnr32
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I've been lol'ing uncontrollably for a full 2 days at work.

Tyrone's Dog Babysitting Service
Posted at: 2009-07-02 10:41:53
Original ad:

DOG WATCHER WANTED! we are leaving town for a week and need someone to take care of our 6-year-old rottweiler. he is very friendly! we are looking for someone trustworthy with experience, so we will need references. will pay $30 per day. email if interested!
From Tyrone Jackson to ************@******.org
yo wat up! i saw your ad looking for someone to take care of your rottweiler. ill do it no problem. i live in the area and can pick him up.

From Tanya ****** to Me

tyrone do you have any references? can you tell us a little about yourself?

From Tyrone Jackson to Tanya *******

yea i got some references. you can talk to my bro devon, or my associate g-ice. ill have them hit u up. a little about myself: i love taking care of dogs and shit

now you said your rottweiler is friendly. how friendly is he? would he be able to fight another dog if they were both put in a ring? just wonderin.

also can you pay me the money up front straight cash? i need it to enter in a contest.

From Tanya ****** to Me

I dont want you watching my dog!!!! find someone else for your dog fighting ring sicko!!!!!!!

From Tyrone Jackson to Tanya *******

whoa whoa slow yo role! who said anything about dog fighting? i was just wondering if your dog could protect itself, in case an angrier dog tries to start some shit while im walkin him. you need to chill the **** out and stop jumpin to conclusions

From Tyrone Jackson to Tanya *******

look you triflin bitch just gimme the dog. i need it, the fight is tonight! ill pay you 200 cash plus 20 percent of whatever i win

From Tanya ****** to Me

STOP IT


A few hours later...



From G Ice to Tanya ******

ay yo wat up woman, its ya boy tyrone's boy G Ice. tyrone was sayin he needed a reference for ur dog babysittin job so here i am. tyrone be great with dogs. he loves em so much and will care the shit out of them. my boy tyrone is definitely the right man for the job, i aint playin

From Tanya ****** to Me

GO AWAY
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Old 01-22-2010, 03:44 PM   #20
hockeyfan27
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G-Ice: "He loves em so much and will care the shit out of them"

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Old 01-22-2010, 03:51 PM   #21
ImolaZHP
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lol this site is great! thanks for sharing!
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Old 01-22-2010, 03:54 PM   #22
DAM
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THIS ONE'S THE SHIT:
(there is a pic that goes along with it so here is the link)
http://dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=70
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Old 01-22-2010, 04:03 PM   #23
hockeyfan27
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I had to read this one twice. (i guess I am programmed to overlook e-mail signatures)

From Me to ********@gmail.com
RE: Clydesdale horse needs caring owners:

Hey there!

Your horse looks beautiful! Is he still available?

Michael Murphy
Vice President
Murphy Glue Factory, Inc.

From ********@gmail.com to Me
RE: Clydesdale horse needs caring owners:

HELL NO!!!
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Old 01-22-2010, 05:07 PM   #24
black bnr32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DAM View Post
THIS ONE'S THE SHIT:
(there is a pic that goes along with it so here is the link)
http://dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=70
pic at the end is golden
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Old 01-22-2010, 05:17 PM   #25
davericher20
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Original ad:
I am a 18 year old looking for a summer job. it is hard for me to find work and I just want a job so I can afford a car for college next summer. I can clean, babysit, answer phones, pretty much whatever as long as it pays!!
From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org
Hey,

I saw your ad looking for work and I think I have a job for you! I am looking for an assistant on my farm for the summer. It will involve working outdoors. Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From Stephanie ******* to Me
Hi Mike! I am interested in your job! I love animals and used to ride horses so a farm would be great! what kind of work would I be doing, and where is your farm located? it needs to be close to ******** so my parents can drop me off and pick meup

From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
Stephanie,

It is very close to **********. I'm glad to hear you are familiar with horses, because you will be primarily working with horses.

My farm gets all the old horses that other farms don't need anymore, and they are starting to take up a lot of room in my stable, which I want to turn into a garage for my new truck. Therefore, the horses need to go. As my assistant, you will be in charge of killing the horses and dumping them in the lake behind my farm.

I used to have a captive bolt pistol (cattle gun) that I used to put them down, but it broke when I tried to use it to tap a keg. You'll probably have to use my 12-gauge shotgun to put them down. Sometimes they don't die right away when you shoot them, and will start freaking out. You just have to stay calm and keep shooting. Don't worry, I'll show you how to use the shotgun if you aren't familiar with one.

You then need to use my chainsaw to cut the horses into smaller parts that you can carry down to the lake. It can get a little messy, so I suggest wearing some clothes that you don't care about, or some clothes that the horse blood would compliment.

The lake isn't mine, it is my neighbor's. He gets kind of angry when he sees me dumping dead horses in his lake, so you have to make sure he isn't around when you do it. I have some cinderblocks you can use to weigh the horses down so he won't see them.

I have a lot of horses, and each horse takes about an hour and a half to dispose of, so you should have plenty of work. The job will pay $15 an hour. When can you start?

Mike

From Stephanie ******* to Me
omg that is HORRIBLE! That is truely awful and sick!! Why cant you just give the poor horses away? sorry but I am not helping you slaughter horses!!!

From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
Stephanie,

I'm sorry if you are a bit surprised, but this is how farms work. You can't give away old horses, you have to kill them. I thought about it, and if you don't want to use the chainsaw to cut up the horses, you can just use my truck to drag them down to the lake. Do you have your license or permit? If not, this could be good driving practice for you. You don't want to pass up on this great job opportunity.

Mike

From Stephanie ******* to Me
No that is not how farms work you are just SICK! I am NOT interested

From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
Stephanie you are going to regret this some day when you try to get a real job. I think this would look great on your resume.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JINT View Post
Some people have serious track experience from the cruise, so what is fast to you, isn't fast to them.
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Old 01-22-2010, 05:46 PM   #26
davericher20
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Original ad:
i want a black kitten if you have one please let me know thank you
From Mike Partlow to **********@**********.org

Hey,

I have a kitten that I want to get rid of. It is my girlfriend's kitten, but she went on a three month vacation to France and is probably cheating on me every chance she gets, so I am going to get rid of her kitten to spite her. The kitten is only a month old.

Unfortunately the kitten is not black, it is white, but I can dunk him in a can of black paint if you want. I have acrylic latex enamel paint, but if you are allergic to latex, I also have polyurethane semi-gloss. I personally think the semi-gloss would make the kitten nice and shiny.

Let me know if you want him.

Thanks

Mike

From sarah ******** to Me

ummmmmm no thanks. i dont think that would look right and its prob realy bad for the cat

From Mike Partlow to sarah ********

Sarah,

I assumed you were allergic to latex and went ahead and used the semi-gloss. The kitten looks adorable now! Do you want to come by and pick him up?

Mike

From sarah ******** to Me

WTF R U ****IN KIDDING ME! EW

From Mike Partlow to sarah ********

Sarah you're coming to get the kitten, right? You should get him soon. He keeps trying to lick the paint, and I don't have the time to keep watching him to make sure he doesn't.

From sarah ******** to Me

NO I DO NOT WANT HIM THAT IS FUKED UP!!!

From Mike Partlow to sarah ********

Oh, so that's how you do business, Sarah. You made me waste half a can of paint for nothing. I demand at least $10 for compensation.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JINT View Post
Some people have serious track experience from the cruise, so what is fast to you, isn't fast to them.
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