Click to go to Forum Home Click to go to maXbimmer Home

Go Back   maXbimmer Forums > Misc > Off-topic
User Name

Welcome to!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 02-08-2009, 05:33 PM   #1
Jim .E.
E90 n00b
Jim .E.'s Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Brampton
Posts: 6,678
Disorder in American Courts

All real quotes taken word for word in American courts.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
________ ____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
Jim .E. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2009, 06:19 PM   #2
dbworld4k's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: YYZ / ORD
Posts: 7,491
ROFL. Those were pretty good.

'02 ///M5 Imola Red / Imola Red '09 335i Alpine White / Coral Red
dbworld4k is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2009, 06:28 PM   #3
6th Gear Member
Arash's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Toronto
Posts: 2,072
thread of the year! thanks for sharing.
Arash is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2009, 06:52 PM   #4
Jumped up G'd up.
PinkieMoscow's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Thornhill, ON
Posts: 1,666
lol, but totally not true.
PinkieMoscow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2009, 07:33 PM   #5
the misanthropist
BigD's Avatar
Join Date: May 2002
Location: a house
Posts: 6,251
Originally Posted by PinkieMoscow View Post
lol, but totally not true.
haha yeah, I love how these things always start with "THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED", omg the internet said so, OK!!!
BigD is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2009, 07:57 PM   #6
6th Gear Member
Arash's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Toronto
Posts: 2,072
these things do actually happen. have you ever been to an actual court? not traffic bs. they ask wayy too many stupid questions.
Arash is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:27 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Maxbimmer Copyright 2001 - 2015