Stop me if you heard this one
Jesus walks into a hotel, he hands the inkeeper 3 nails and says "can you put me up for the night" eh eh????
or this one
This guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a beer or two. So he asked the pet, "Would you like to go to Sam's with me and have a beer?"
But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Sam's place and have a drink with me?"
A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."
OR maybe this
A man woke up late for work one day, in a rush he showerd got dressed and ran to his car.
Speeding down the road, weaving in and out of traffic he made his way to work. On the way he came flying over a bridge where a cop was sitting with a radar gun. The man didnt see the cop till it was too late, and sure enough the cop pulled him over.
The cop walked up to the car and said " You were going pretty fast there, whats the rush?"
The man replied "im very late for work sir"
The cop looking him over asked " what exactly do you do for work"
The man replied "im a rectal stretcher."
The cop had a puzzeld look on his face and asked "Rectal stretcher? what the hell is that?"
The man looked at the cop and said "well First i lube my hands, then i have a person bend over and i stick my finger in their ass, then i put 2 fingers in and keep going till my whole hand is in thier ass. Then i do the same with my other hand. Next i pull their ass open and put my foot in and pull and stretch and then i put my other foot in, and i stretch and stretch till its about 6 feet wide"
The cop looks at the man with a very puzzeld look and says, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot rectum????"
The man smiles and says "i dunno give it a radar gun and stick it on a bridge."
hahahahahahah thats one of my favorites.
As I was walking up the stairs, I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today, I wish I wish he'd go away.