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Old 07-21-2010, 12:57 PM   #1
hockeyfan27
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Durham Region
Posts: 961
Talking And then the fight started...

My wife sat down on the seat next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on the TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we
were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's how the fight started...

******************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

*****************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds..'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started....

******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...

******************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too..'

And then the fight started....

******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My Gosh!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my
order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

******************************************

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not
happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....
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