Originally Posted by SamE30e
Ok **** i'll tell it.
It was a cold night, wimpys in the belly, e30 in the ditch, drunk hick in the bar whom was Bambidextris. Jason C, was running his mouth while consuming the leftovers of my poutine, and his other halfs Sheppards pie. Then the call out was made, Jason says "What one of you mother ****ers wants to run my 4 cylinders of raw sickness!! E dirty sixxxx stylez!!" The table quivered and the earth slowed its rotation as the thought of being molested by the powerful 1.9L M44 ran through our brains. Silence was heard all around until one brave sexy soul spoke up... "I'll run you! 2g buy in... no **** that, I want the respect!" Then after the ohh and ahhs were calmed, the challenge was accepted. "Bring it ****ER!"
After paying for the sustinance and secretly recording the man who was trashed off 5 light beers was done his stand up comedy act, which spoke of speaking deer, pricks and bitch nurses was complete. We rolled, Stephen ran in fear back to his shelter, for he was afraid of the mighty roar of the M44 and M20B27 and its fearful 4500rpm red line cycled through his mind, the thought of the two exhaust notes combining may make the LHC look like a ****ing highschool science experiment must have done it.
The pack reached the destination, my palms sweaty with anticipation of what was soon to happen, the plastic saturn on my ass was scaring my shitless as I didn't want it to vanish with my super rich exhaust being sucked into it causing a burst of strange matter destroying its impossible to dent fenders. Jason rolls down his window and as if I could have swore the voice of God himself (or lucifer who evers is scarier) was speaking I heard "3rd honk go!" not 2, not 4, but 3 mother ****in honks! Those 3 stern words got my penis erect like I just ate my grandfathers whole bottle of viagra.
Honk one, I tighten my grip on the wheel and whatever grip my sick ass light weight fibreglass cast had on my sloppier than a Chinese prostitute shifter. Honk 2 I tighten my rectum, because i'm anticipating recieving the fisting of a life time...sans lube... Honk 3 I lay into it, I control the wheel spin and torque steer from my 120whp (est.) of fury. I hear the wrath of the M44, then Jay shifts... Then shifts again...and again...I'm still in 2nd we're dead even. My 4500 rpm redline comes around, I think to myself "**** it baby, we're takin her off the scale!" 5200 comes around and I bang that baby into 3rd! Jay is in 7th gear by now still dead even. I swore we were parked, I bang to 4th still dead even, I see a hole in the time and space continueum as we approach 1/100000th the speed of light (150km/h stunting territory!) Jay is in 10th gear by now, I was debating giving him a high five, thats how close we were, 5th gear dead even... I fart, and pull an inch, I assume Jay does the same because he pulls the inch back. My balls are sweating like a bitch, the roar of the 4 cylinders of doom and the 6 cylinders of fury warms them to a luke warm state.
We shut it down as we approach 175km/h... No winner declared.
Coles notes: M44 = M20B27